The Colbert Report/Episode/563
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * clean energy * great week off * Stephen confuses Memorial Day with Labor Day ** doesn't know which pants to wear * credit card reform * contains one great amendment * carry firearm in a National Park ** will make Gettysburg re-enactments more interesting * Tom Coburn, who inserted the amendment, sees the link * NRA explains it best * no more Bison carjacking * spent the day hiking with fiance Sweetness ** carved her name in the trees * gave us a reason to visit National Parks SEGMENT2 * member of a persecuted minority * nominated Sonia Sotomayor * no white men on Obama's shortlist * she is a Latino and racist ** Tom Tancredo ** Pat Buchanan ** Rush Limbaugh * reverse racist the opposite * Sotomayor's quote ** Stephen says she's wrong ** white males always reach the correct conclusion until DNA ... * brings up despicable * white men have no unique history * Mitt Romney worked on family's mayonnaise farm * many in GOP ask their gardeners what their names are * CNN chief correspondent, Jeffrey Toobin ** he's met Sweetness * current court ** eight whites ** five Catholics * she hates white, Connecticut firemen ** she said she'd rather have her house burn down than have it put out by a white firefighter * she has a fiery temperament * Puerto Rican * grew up in New York in the 1950's ** she's a Shark ** Scalia's a Jet * next pick bisexual robot ** another women * 110 justices on the Supreme Court ** 106 have been white males Where In The World And Where In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going To Be In The Persian Gulf? * it is no secret The Report will be deploying to the Persian Gulf ** theme now includes the lyrics "Definitely not Bahrain" * can show here in the ending of Superman * 1 of 7 countries ** pick one using Press Your Luck Board *** United Arab Emirates * formerly under British rule ** 7 sheikdoms, including Texas, 'cuz Rick Perry will do anything to avoid taking stimulus money * for people who loved skiing, but want more florescent lights * known for architecture * when in Persian Gulf do as the Persians do ** Sheik condoms (penis burqas) ** XXL can be worn as galoshes * DonorsChoose.org ** fund classroom projects * Support the troops and be popular at school Interview * Senator Byron Dorgan ** book: Reckless!:How Debt, Deregulation, and Dark Money Nearly Bankrupted America (and How We Can Fix It!) * North Dakota senator says deregulation caused the economic meltdown ** destroy one global economy and suddenly its the bad guy * so few repeat visits from Senators * he saw the economic crisis in 1994 ** voted against banking deregulation * modernization * we're trillions in debt * doesn't believe in banking modernization * North Dakota may have ATMs ** don't have banks too big to fail ** don't have failing banks * grow wheat * produces what people to eat * invited Stephen and His Mob to visit North Dakota * dark money ** transaction * all regulation is bad * free with rules is not regulation * Stephen is the last one to know ** he is a no fact zone * credit default swaps * he is a populist just like Dr. Colbert ** shake fists at *** bankers *** legislators who voted for banking modernization * Bill Clinton's fault ** it's been said * free market needs a referee ** who should be for sale Epilogue * Dr. Colbert says he entertains us for a half hour, now it's his turn. He wants us to hit pause and dance for him. Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments